Before I found the ashram on Worldpackers in August of 2022, I felt really lost and alone. I felt that nobody could understand, see, or love me in a way that didn’t come with price tags and strings attached.

I struggled with substance abuse for around four years attempting to cope with what I’d been told the world was. I was told that everything outside of our house was absolutely something to be afraid of. Thus my guard was up for years, always being accompanied by anger and rage as a false protector.

I left my birth parents’ house at 19, leaving my two younger sisters with the intention of “ fixing “ myself so I could come back and give them an opportunity for a better life. I was looking for connection with myself, the Divine, and an open space for me to be myself and have people be accepting and loving of that. At the core of my search, I was looking for real truth and answers. Within that following year or so I struggled with knowing what was right and what was wrong. What was okay and what was not okay; I had a pretty busted-up moral compass. I was neither taught nor had this modeled to me through my parents or society.

Coming to the ashram, I found way more than I thought was even out there for me. I found people who genuinely cared, seeing me for who I am at my core rather than only the things I have to work through. I found the literal safest environment I’ve been in my whole life. A deeper connection with who I am and who I am becoming as I continue my growth. I found stable ground that keeps getting stronger, and a deep reason for living and my purpose. I also found a better perspective of the world and how to be in it but not of it and loving support that is here for me at all times. I found friends and family who I laughed so hard with, I couldn’t breathe, walk, or talk.

I discovered that I could have a good time, fully sober. This blew my mind. I noticed this during my first summer volunteering. I was in the bed of a truck with a few others, on our way to a swimming hole. It was warm and the peak of summer sunshine was kissing my face and the wind was running past my skin. I felt so excited to be alive and was filled with so much joy that I felt it pouring out of my very being. I felt the purity of life and saw so clearly everything and everyone. I could see that the people around me felt the same way, it felt organic to share that kind of feeling with others. I found so many things that this list could go on for a long time.

The ingredients for HYA being so effective is the awareness and the acceptance of where each individual is at, accepting them right where they are. All the while, providing them with resources to work through the things that are here to work through. Most importantly, there are safe and stable community members with a good moral compass. They model what one can grow into and how one deserves to be treated.

Before, I would get fragments of answers by myself, online, or through others who didn’t really know what they were talking about. When I talked to Jnanda and other students of his, they were open about what they had experienced. This allowed me to be honest about what I was experiencing and relate to them on that. Most importantly, I got real answers that I deeply felt and knew as truth. This cleared up an incredible amount of confusion and bogs of fear I had in my mind, which lifted so much weight off of me.

Im looking forward to every time i come back to the ashram, seeing it’s growth and watching it bloom into its full potential. Every year I’ll get to see this sanctuary expanding to house and supports others, giving opportunity to those who fall through the cracks and anyone who is truly seeking growth. All people here are worked with regardless of financial status, and nobody is declined opportunity. I’m excited for our Silvo-pasture to be all grown up, having endless fruit and seeing people greatly benefit from fresh and organic food they themselves can pick. I’m excited for very beautiful meditation spaces and to see more colorful spaces as we get more resources to build more. I meet so many special people who i always learn something from, and connect with people i wouldn’t usually connect with or have a chance to meet off of this land.

I am a completely different person a year later compared to when I first came to the ashram. I am so grateful to be starting to give back in the ways that i can. I strongly recommend anybody looking for Divine change to visit HYA.

-Namaste, Anusha Balavath Bhakti Ananda